Fear Only Standing Still

This has been a bit of a sad week as we learned that Bishop Caesar Mazzolari, the Bishop of the Diocese of Rumbek, passed away. Yesterday Luke and I spent all day (8:30ish-3ish) at the funeral. Bishop Mazzolari was my direct supervisor, he was the heart behind the Women’s Desk, and it was he who sought out the partnership with MCC.

There is a Chinese proverb I came across recently that says “Do not fear going forward slowly, fear only standing still”. Life and work in South Sudan (much like life and work in Southern Sudan) is a lesson in patience, in “amath, amath” (slowly, slowly). Bishop Mazzolari committed his life to this slowly, slowly culture and while there were many challenges there were also many beautiful results. I haven’t committed my life to this place, but I have committed three years. We are (slowly) approaching the two year mark and I continue to struggle with trying to be present in this place. I struggle with the question of why to work here with language and culture barriers when there are great needs at home. I struggle with the idea that we are presenting ourselves as “doing so much good work”, when it usually just feels like trying to move forward slowly and not stand still.

Bishop Mazzolari worked in Sudan for decades, and yesterday as they presented an entirely incomplete list of his work I was blown away by the impact one person of faith, vision, and passion can have on a diocese and even a country. It is easy to get discouraged here; it can be hard to find hope amongst the hurt. Yesterday hope prevailed.

With the death of Bishop Mazzolari I find myself drawn again to the words of another Catholic leader, Archbishop Romero, whose beautiful prayer I have shared on this blog before. His words remind me that I must try to take the long view, to remember that the kingdom is not only beyond my efforts but even beyond my vision. I must remind myself that I cannot do everything but I can do something.

I am reminded we were not brought here alone, we do not stand here alone, and we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. Bishop Mazzolari always greeted me with a smile, a hearty handshake, and "Oh, Kathy! So good to see you!" (Thanks to what I believe to be an Italianized-misnomer many in the Diocese do believe my name to be Kathy). His life was a testament to his faith in God and in people, and I have been blessed bear witness to a small part of this journey.