When we were applying for MCC one of the aspects of living in South Sudan I was most looking forward to was the idea of living "off the grid". It's pretty easy, in fact unavoidable, to live off the grid in Rumbek as there is no grid to speak of. We have two solar panels, two batteries and three (working) lightbulbs in our house. We have enough power to keep our two computers charged (usually), and enough light to play games in the evenings at the kitchen table. We don't have running water and our toilets are pit latrines. Very little water is wasted and only human power is required for pumping. Looking at that I can begin to feel the tingles of self-righteousness in my toes. The I-am-living-such-an-environmentally-responsible-life-holier-than-thou-butterflies in my tummy.
Enter transportation.
We have bicycles. Bicycles which I am loathe to use. I can give you many good excuses: the road is sand - do you want to bike on a beach? Today the road is mud - do you want to bike in quick sand? It is so hot - I will melt, really, literally, I will melt - you didn't think that human flesh could melt but you've never biked here. So, the bicycles have mostly sat quietly judging us on our back veranda (until last week when they were stolen - another story for another day - bicyclic-karma I'm sure).
Our other source of transport within Rumbek is a larger than life toyota land cruiser (with the MCC logo proudly emblazoned on the side - it's for safety, our safety and I'm grateful for it, but it continues to be a little off putting. Do you know MCC? You know that simple-living NGO? Oh yeah! I've seen their landcruiser!) Here's where my prideful butterflies start to squirm (ever seen a butterfly squirm? my point exactly), but I can calm them down with clever justifications. We share this car-beast with the other MCCers. The roads don't allow for a smaller car, why just last week we had to pull another land cruiser-monster out of the mud-that-once-was-road. Driving here would be impossible in my mothers' hybrid.
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As if the land cruiser weren't enough in comes another item that gets my pride-butterflies writhing with discontent: The airplane. Since coming to South Sudan two years ago I have been on approximately 21 flights*. TWENTY ONE! Luke and I just did a quick count, and Luke regretfully must note that he has been on many more than this. And now, as you suspected: Justification. We have no choice, the roads are terrible and overrun by bandits. We need to get out of Rumbek for our mental, physical and spiritual health and driving is not an option. They are mostly tiny flights. The airplanes were going/coming anyway.The flights were counted with each one way leg, so technically it's half that...right? On most of these flights I get physically ill - usually dry heaving, but with a few notable vomit sessions (I see this as penance on my part as well as Luke's as he has to sit beside me watching/hearing me heave and passing me the vomit bags). Did it work? Did I justify twenty one flights in twenty four months?
So now, my butterflies are dead. What happened to moving to Sudan, living the simple life and not being so connected to the evil-oil-gods? If I've learned anything living in Rumbek for the past two years it's nuance.
Simple living? yes. Cut off from the world of consumption? Certainly not. Better than other people? Not even a little. We're on a literal journey, from here to there and from there to way over there. Journeys are fun, adventures are fun, and many of our adventures have required the help of an airplane. So we fly, and drive, and justify. In the same way that I flew, and drove, and justified while living in Canada. I can't decide if it's worth it - is my carbon footprint less now than it was in Canada? I think so. Does it matter? I think so. We all use justifications and the question is whether they are legitimate or not. Is my living here, serving, learning, experiencing and growing worth twenty one puddle-jumping flights? Am I contributing more than I'm consuming? We're on a continual journey of being aware, or trying to be, and if a land cruiser and many-a-flight help to kill my butterflies-of-bragging then maybe they are in some way a valuable part of this journey as well.
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* The terrible flight tally... here's me being (grudgingly) transparent with our copious air travel (each "1" is a tick mark)
Juba to Rumbek - 1, Rumbek to Juba - 1111, Juba to Kampala - 1, Kampala to Nairobi - 1, Nairobi to Juba - 1, Juba to Rumbek - 111, Rumbek to Nairobi - 11111, Nairobi to Rumbek - 11111, Juba to Addis - 1, Addis to Juba - 1, Nairobi to Cairo - 1, Cairo to Nairobi - 1, Juba to Nairobi - 11, Nairobi to Canada - 1, Canada to Nairobi - 1, Nairobi to Zanzibar - 1, Zanzibar to Nairobi - 1
*note - this blog was originally written for
MCC Ontario's Creation Care Crossroads. You should check it out... there's cool stuff going on there.
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